Archive for March 2011
“Conan the Barbarian” Teaser: So Much Smoke!
Lionsgate released a teaser trailer for Conan the Barbarian, the remake of the 1982 film starring Arnold…*copies and pastes* Schwarzenegger. This time, Jason Momoa takes over the title role in a “colossal 3D action-adventure film”.
The trailer basically features lines and scenes from the movie projected onto some smoky fire-y thing. Oh, and there’s also the oldest-sounding Voiceover Guy I’ve ever heard.
I haven’t seen the 1982 movie, but other people on the Internets have. Wonder what they have to say?…
“burn it. BURN IT NOW!” –nikkinoodle
“looks absolutely rubbish” –dj moore
“This looks like complete crap.” –Brittany Novak
“No” –Bleaker
*awkward silence*
Um…Conan the Barbarian hits… theaters in… August?
“Mr. Popper’s Penguins” Is A Kids Movie…Based On A Book…And It Doesn’t Look THAT BAD?!
Well, it’s not as bad as some of the numerous other children’s movies out there. That said, the trailer has some quirks that are irksome.
Mr. Popper’s Penguins is a book (written by Richard and Florence Atwater, it’s a pretty good book, actually) that was published in 1938 and won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1939. It tells the story of Mr. and Mrs. Popper, who get a penguin and then get uh-nother penguin from the zoo. The two penguins mate and soon, the Poppers find themselves with 10 baby penguins WHY DO I KEEP SPELLING PENGUINS WRONG?
So, you’d think that, when the trailer for this movie dropped, it would be an “uh-oh” moment for fans of the book. The fact that it stars Jim Carrey also would appear to be bad news.
But ‘cha know what? It doesn’t look half bad. Some of the penguins are CGI’d and some are actually real, which is kinda interesting. And they don’t talk! At all! YEEEEAAAHHHHHHH!! WHOOOOOO!
*clears throat* Sorry.
Sure, the trailer’s got the obligatory use of the Vanilla Ice hit(?) “Ice Ice Baby”–cause penguins are cold, get it?
Mr. Popper’s Penguins comes out in summer.
Morgan Spurlock’s “The Greatest Movie Ever Sold”: How Meta.
The guy who ate McDonalds for 30 days and went on a quest to find Osama bin Laden is back, this time making a documentary called The Greatest Movie Ever Sold about product placement and advertising in movies, an interesting idea if you’re a film geek like me. The twist? The movie is funded entirely by product placement and advertising. Morgan Spurlock, You. Are. A. Genius.
There’s even a sponsor in the movie’s title, so I guess I should really call it POM Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold. Yep, the pomegranate juice company.
I can’t wait for this movie.
“Larry Crowne”: Aww, Heartwarming! (Again!)
Tom Hanks writes, directs, and stars as the title character in Larry Crowne, which the studio describes as a “dramatic comedy”, which is either an oxymoron or the absolute definition of a Tom Hanks movie.
Larry Crowne is a can-doer, a star at the department store where he works. Unfortunately one day, he’s fired because he didn’t go to college. After getting a moped from Cedric the Entertainer and being mistaken for a cop, he does whatever a person in his position would do: go to college! (And hopefully not rant on Asians in the library.) Meeting a cast of colorful characters, he soon develops a crush on his teacher Mercedes Tainot (Julia Roberts).
See? An uplifting story about finding yourself, losing everything and getting it back, believing in forgiveness, and allowing yourself to let go!
What? That all sounds like a movie trailer? Oh. Well then.
But seriously, this movie looks charming. America could use some uplifting Tom Hanks-y hearwarmingness.
“Snow Flower and the Secret Fan”: Aww, Heartwarming!
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan might sound like a children’s book, but it’s not. Instead, it tells the story of Lily, a young girl who has a laotong–an eternal friendship with her friend Snow Flower. IMDb provides this description.
A story set in 19th century China and centered on the lifelong friendship between two girls who develop their own secret code as a way to contend with the rigid cultural norms imposed on women.
“Super 8” Trailer Two: Wow. That’s All I Can Say. (And It’s a Good “Wow”)
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Paramount just premiered the second trailer for the highly anticipated Super 8, which is directed by J.J. Abrams (who also produced Cloverfield and created Lost, which I am totally hooked on right now). The movie is also produced by Steven Spielberg–so if you’re looking for ’80s small-town-alien-invasion movie with tons of kids looking on in awe, this is your movie. I’m pretty excited for this film.
Watch the trailer–the movie looks pretty cool.
“The Smurfs” Trailer: It Can’t Get Any Worse, Right? Wrong!
Back when I was a kid, there was a guy named Ron Popeil who used to sell rotisseries and pasta makers on TV. (I watched a lot of infomercials.) He gave away a lot of stuff for free (“But wait, there’s more!” “You’re like Santa Claus, Ron!”), featured creepy testimonials from audience members, and had a catchphrase that I still remember: “Set it, and forget it!” I’m coming back to this later, but I don’t know where to start now. Guess I’ll start with the plot.
Yes, they’re making a Smurfs movie. Remember the horrible teaser trailer? This “theatrical trailer” is worse. Yes, that’s possible. Here’s a list of specific reasons why this movie looks absolutely horrible.
- The plot. The Smurfs has a simple, contrived plot: Pluck the elfin beings out of their Belgium homeland and put them in New York City. I’m glad we got that out of the way. The first 40 seconds of the trailer tries to make it seem like some alien invasion horror movie, but come on. We’ve seen that gyp a million times before. It. Is. Not. Clever. Anymore.
- The crappy CGI. We finally get to see the Smurfs, and can I just say: WOW. That’s not a good “wow”. Just look at them. Look at the computer-generation. It’s…it’s bad!! I think it’s even worse than the Green Lantern’s CGI superhero suit. There’s also a strange disconnect from Neil Patrick Harris’s torso and a Smurf in one of the early scenes.
- The random sexual double-entendre. I can’t even make myself type it out, but it’s in there. An English teacher once asked “You know when you’re watching TV and you get the dirty joke?” Yes, I do, and oh, how I sometimes wish I don’t.
- George Lopez. This man is in every horrible kids’ movie.
- The use of “smurf” as a euphemism for…everything. The writers (and this film’s Smurfs) use the word as a substitute for most swear words and bodily functions. Who’s up for beating that dead horse a billion times?` The way the Smurfs in this trailer use it, it’s almost like they know that they’re in a Smurfs movie.
- 3D. Enough said.
That just about does it! Oh, and that Ron Popeil “set it and forget it” guy? I’ve some advice for this trailer.
Watch it (if you dare), then forget it. Please, please forget it.
“Paul” Is a Tourist From Out of Town. Way Out of Town.
Finally, an alien movie with a twist. Universal Pictures’ Paul is a raunchy sci-fi comedy about two comic book geeks (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost) who decide to travel to all the UFO hotspots on a road trip hoping to see Area 51 and other alien sightings. The one thing they didn’t expect to see? An actual alien.
Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen) is an extraterrestrial who, for the past 60 years, has been chillin’ at a military base, waiting for someone to stumble across him. He hitches a ride on Pegg and Frost’s RV and, together, they hatch a plan to send him back to his mother…ship.
I’ve been excited for this movie ever since I read the plot synopsis, it’s a good trailer, and the movie has an all-star cast including Sigourney Weaver (from Alien, ha!), Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig (one of the few SNL castmembers that can make me laugh) and Jane Lynch. Let’s just hope the movie doesn’t rely on too many “Hey! The alien’s not wearing any pants!” jokes for too long.
And yes, the alien…sometimes…doesn’t wear pants.
Erm.
Paul invades theaters on March 18th.
“Puss in Boots”: Because DreamWorks CAN!
DreamWorks Animation has a dilemma on their paws. (See what I did there?) The Shrek franchise ended with Shrek Forever After, but how can they continue the series without making any more ogre adventures? Create origin stories for the supporting characters and give them their own movies!
Those groans, they’re groans of excitement, right? Right?!
First up: Puss in Boots, which basically tells the story of that character (who first appeared in Shrek 2), voiced by Antonio Banderas, before Puss meets Shrek and the gang.
It’s only a teaser trailer, and it basically consists of the title character showing the audience all the kewl stuff he can do with his awesome boots.
Things, of course, like making the bystanders swoon, surviving an oncoming raging bull (?!), and, as evidenced by a later scene, standing directly on top of the viewer. All while sexy music plays in the background. And if that isn’t enough sexual innuendo for you…
“He’s been a bad kitty,” the voiceover guy croons. Eww.
Puss in Boots hits theaters in November. Or rather, gallops. On a horse. Into the sunset.
“The Adjustment Bureau” Trailer: Yes, I KNOW The Movie Comes Out Tomorrow
The Adjustment Bureau tells the story of a man running for Senate (Matt Damon) who meets a girl (Emily Blunt) on a New York train and strikes up a relationship with her. Unfortunately, that relationship wasn’t part of…
*dramatic pause*
…THE PLAN.
I’m not talking about whether or not the guy got sidetracked. “The plan” is all part of their plan; the people (including master of creepiness Terence Stamp) who control your fate and plan out how your life is going to go.
The movie sounds pretty interesting and it seems to have a pretty original plot. But watch the trailer for yourself; The Adjustment Bureau hits theaters on Friday.
AKA, tomorrow.
Popcorn Bytes 