“A Thousand Words” Trailer: Eddie Murphy Has To Shut Up (No, Really, It’s The Plot of the Movie)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard that (a) Tower Heist director Brett Ratner has deemed that rehearsals are for gays only, (b) he resigned from producing the Oscars after word got out, and (c) Tower Heist star Eddie Murphy has dropped out of hosting the show maybe-possibly as a result.

So, um, yeah. It’s been a messy week in Hollywood.

Now who’s up for a trailer for an Eddie Murphy movie?! 

Wait!

Where are you going?

…please come back!

*ahem.* A Thousand Words stars Murphy as a literary agent who loves words–meaning he loves to talk. Books and gibber gabber! What a coincidence! Unfortunately, things take a turn for the unnerving (read: high-larious) when he makes a deal with some spiritual Deepak Chopra-type, and a bonsai tree suddenly pops up in his front yard. This begs the question, “How could that happen in an otherwise normal world?”, but unfortunately the trailer fails to answer it. Moving on!

Murphy learns that the tree only has 1,000 leaves on it, and each time he says a word, a leaf falls off. He only has 999 words left to speak before he dies! And he loves to talk! WHAT IS HE TO DO?!!! Well, in traditional Murphy fashion, he must come up with a new form of communication–mostly involving grunts, clapping, and other strange hand motions/noises.

The timing of this trailer is just awkward, and the movie doesn’t look too good, either. What a sad, sad time to be Eddie Murphy.

A Thousand Words hits theaters in–I don’t know. But it’s going to be in theaters sometime soon.

“21 Jump Street” Trailer: That Guy From “Step Up” and Jonah Hill Go Undercover!

Some of us may remember 21 Jump Street, the 80s crime TV show that helped launch the careers of Johnny Depp and–well, he’s pretty much it. The series was about a group of po-lice officers who had the good luck (or bad luck) to be able to pass as teenagers and solve crimes. Now the show is getting the big-screen treatment as Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill become our two main characters.

They play two gung-ho albeit inept cops who discover that their job isn’t as exciting as they had hoped. When they finally make their first bust but fail to comprehend the finer points of police procedure, Nick Offerman (of Parks and Recreation fame) tasks them to head out to 21 Jump Street, in which they’ll finally get to go undercover.

Their job: to pose as high school students and take down the dealer of a drug ring. Oh, and did I mention that Ice Cube is their captain at 21 Jump? Ice Cube. This just might redeem him for Are We There Yet? and Are We Done Yet?. Nobody mention those movies anymore.

21 Jump Street looks okay. The supporting cast (including the aforementioned Offerman, Cube, and also The Daily Show’s Rob Riggle) really seem to outshine Tatum and Hill in this trailer, so I’m hoping they have some good scenes on their own.

The movie hits theaters in March.

 

“We Need to Talk About Kevin” Trailer: Tilda Swinton Makes Shocked Faces! (Oscar-Worthy Shocked Faces)

The plot of We Need to Talk About Kevin is simple. John C. Reilly and Tilda Swinton raise a beautiful young boy named Kevin. Then he grows up and turns psycho.

Everyone’s talking about Tilda Swinton’s performance in this movie, and I have to agree, it looks like she’s going to do a great job. The trailer mostly shows us shocked faces, but I hope there’s more to it than that. This movie definitely looks interesting and intriguing, and I’d like to see how it all plays out.

We Need to Talk About Kevin hits theaters in February.

“Chronicle”: Teens Get Superpowers, Decide to Film the Whole Thing

Now here’s an interesting premise. Take a “found-footage” movie like Cloverfield or Paranormal Activity, but instead of haunted houses and monsters, add superheroes instead. Teenage superheroes. The result: Chronicle, a new sci-fi film set for release in 2012.

The movie tells the story of four teenagers, played by nobody in particular, who stumble upon a secret underground cave and suddenly acquire superpowers. They initially use them to play pranks on each other and unsuspecting bystanders, but when one of the kids uses them to cause harm instead of fun, their lives are changed forever.

Overall it looks pretty promising. I like how they save the “discovery” portion of the trailer for last, and I’m glad we’ve finally found some other use for the found footage genre besides horror. If this is as good as it looks, it might make me forgive Fox for putting out all of their other crap movies. (Maybe.)

Chronicle hits theaters sometime in 2012; check http://www.facebook.com/Chronicle for updates.

“This Means War”: Like “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, If Mr. Smith Had A British Friend and They Were Dating the Same Girl (That’s Pretty Much It)

In This Means War, Chris Pine and Tom Hardy play two CIA operatives who are also best friends (at least when we first meet them). When they discover they’re both dating the same woman (played by Reese Witherspoon), their friendship descends into an all-out battle for love involving paintball guns, fistfights, and bombs that threatens to kill one (or both) of them by the movie’s end. It’s like Bride Wars but with dudes.

The movie is directed by McG, whose real name is Joseph McGinty Nichol, according to his Wikipedia page. Unfortunately, his uncle and grandfather were also named Joe, so his mother gave him the nickname McG. At first, he was a director of music videos, but his work has branched out into a number of movies. Let’s take a look at what he’s done.

It’s three against one. This can’t be good.

This Means War hits theaters on President’s Day. Our Founding Fathers would have surely appreciated two guys using our nation’s resources to kill each other win over Reese Witherspoon.

“Carnage”: It’s Like a Fight on the Playground, But With 30- to 50-Year-Olds

There’s a TV sitcom on ABC called “The Middle”, about a family living a normal, average life in the middle of nowhere Indiana. The show tries to present the group as your everyday clan, but it’s not funny and the husband and wife get into a huge fight almost every episode, which makes everything depressing and sad. Luckily, Roman Polanski is here to give us an example of how to do a brawl the right way and actually make it funny.

Enter the trailer for Carnage, an indie comedy/drama that was screened at this year’s New York Film Festival and the Venice Film Festival. The movie tells the story of two couples: one played by Kate Winslet and Christoph Waltz and the other played by Jodie Foster and John C. Reilly. When Foster and Reilly’s son gets into a fight with Waltz and Winslet’s son that involves some physical abuse, the two couples meet to talk it out together. Unfortunately, an evening of patience and understanding slowly delves into one of outrage and, well, carnage.

The movie hits theaters in December.

“The Avengers”: It’s Every Little Boy’s Dream Come True

If you watched Iron Man 2 or any of the other Marvel comic book movies that came out recently, you know that Samuel L. Jackson has become a central part of the story arc. He’s a member of S.H.I.E.L.D., a secret organization that sets out to form an elite team of superheroes who can save the day and/or the world if need be.

And heeeeeyyyy, it looks like their time has come with The Avengers! Cars are blowing up and some guy is being creepy and evil, so it’s time to call in Iron Man, the Black Widow, Captain America, Thor, Hawkeye, and the Incredible Hulk to fight together on their first mission. (With Iron Man/Tony Stark making tons of awesome wisecracks along the way, of course.)

The Avengers hits theaters in May.

“Young Adult”: Charlize Theron Is Quiet, Quirky, and Has A PUPPYYYYY!!!!!

There’s not much I can say about this trailer because it just…is. I can’t write a pithy hook or anything. It’s not boring, it’s just…nice.

In Young Adult, Charlize Theron plays Mavis Beacon I mean, Mavis Gary, who writes teen novels. She comes back to her hometown, finds that high school sweetheart Patrick Wilson is married with children, so she tries get him back. Oh, and she also dates Patton Oswalt. That’s pretty much it. This is less zany than a romantic comedy (and that’s not a bad thing).

The movie has a pretty good pedigree: it’s directed by Jason Reitman, who also did Thank You for Smoking, Up in the Air, and (I didn’t know this) an SNL sketch called “Death by Chocolate”. Additionally, it’s written by Diablo Cody, famous for penning Juno and Jennifer’s Body.

Patton Oswalt is funny and it’s nice to see just a “quiet” movie for a change instead of big-budget actioners or even a thriller. One other thing I love about this trailer are the scenes in which Theron converses with the Hampton Inn girl and the assistant at Macy’s. I could just watch two hours of Charlize Theron interacting with clerks and attendants at various shopping establishments.

Young Adult hits theaters soon.

New Trailers, Yaaay! “Paranormal Activity 3”, “Contraband” and “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”

If you’ve ever wanted to see haunted houses, gritty revenge, and sad wunderkinds all in one blog post, it’s your lucky day!

First up: another trailer for Paranormal Activity 3. The latest chapter in the Paranormal Activity franchise is directed by Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost, the same guys who did Catfish. This time, we’re taking a trip back to the ’80s, and unfortunately, it’s not for the awesome music. Katie and the other one are little girls now, and that can mean only one thing: it’s origin story time. Creepy stuff has been happening inside the house, and luckily a guy who really loves video cameras is here to help. This only makes the demon more angry and threatens to burn the entire house down. This October, get ready for more ADR’d-in shrieks than ever before!

Next is the trailer for Contraband, starring Mark Wahlberg as Chris Farraday a security guard who once led a life of crime. When his brother-in-law Andy messes up a drug deal, one concerned look from his wife (a blond Kate Beckinsale) is the only motivation he needs to get back to his old ways in order to save Andy’s life. He’s up against incredible odds, but he has the drive to do it, and bad guy Giovanni Ribisi better not mention his wife again, ’cause Chris is gonna kill him.

Contraband hits theaters in January.

Finally, the trailer for Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Some kid whose name I’m too lazy to look up plays a child prodigy who will make you feel extremely depressed about yourself. He looks at bugs, speaks in truisms way too advanced for his age, over-enunciates, and uses magnifying glasses and binoculars, so you know he’s really smart. When his dad dies in the September 11th attacks, though, he encounters a puzzle so challenging, it requires a different kind of smarts…street smarts. Didn’t learn that in Prodigy College, didja? See, his dad left him a key that supposedly unlocks something. He has to find what it is and goes on a quest of such epic proportions, a U2 song starts playing. I think it doesn’t unlock something tangible, and instead opens his eyes to being yourself or some other poignant life lesson.

But that’s just me. I’m actually surprised he hasn’t guessed that.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close hits theaters in December.

 

 

This Trailer for “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” is 4 Minutes Long, But Definitely Worth It

There are so many good things about this trailer for The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo that I don’t know where to start. Y’know, most people are going to hate on the length, but I like it; it allows us to go deeper into the story and learn more about the characters. I think that if it were shorter I wouldn’t be able to understand it.

The movie tells the story of a man named Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig), shunned by the journalistic community for a libel accusation. He travels to an island occupied by a large family, the patriarch of which is Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer). His daugter Harriet was murdered forty years ago, and Vanger wants answers.

Blomkvist can’t do this all on his own, so he gets help from a  young computer hacker/private investigator named Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara), a good investigator but a constant troublemaker.

Christopher Plummer gives off a really creepy vibe in this trailer as the distraught father. Maybe it’s him, or maybe it’s the fact that whenever I hear the word “island” I think of Lost. Either way, I’m really excited to see more of his performance and find out whodunit.

I also like the trailer’s score. It’s done by Trent Reznor, of the band Nine Inch Nails. I know nothing about him or NIN, but he puts out some awesome movie scores. This one has got  piano and other sounds that grow louder and more intense as the trailer progresses, and it’s really great.

The movie looks good. Watch this trailer. Now!