Popcorn Bytes

I like movie trailers. So sue me.

“The Smurfs” Trailer: It Can’t Get Any Worse, Right? Wrong!

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Back when I was a kid, there was a guy named Ron Popeil who used to sell rotisseries and pasta makers on TV. (I watched a lot of infomercials.) He gave away a lot of stuff for free (“But wait, there’s more!” “You’re like Santa Claus, Ron!”), featured creepy testimonials from audience members, and had a catchphrase that I still remember: “Set it, and forget it!” I’m coming back to this later, but I don’t know where to start now. Guess I’ll start with the plot.

Yes, they’re making a Smurfs movie. Remember the horrible teaser trailer? This “theatrical trailer” is worse. Yes, that’s possible. Here’s a list of specific reasons why this movie looks absolutely horrible.

  1. The plot. The Smurfs has a simple, contrived plot: Pluck the elfin beings out of their Belgium homeland and put them in New York City. I’m glad we got that out of the way. The first 40 seconds of the trailer tries to make it seem like some alien invasion horror movie, but come on. We’ve seen that gyp a million times before. It. Is. Not. Clever. Anymore.
  2. The crappy CGI. We finally get to see the Smurfs, and can I just say: WOW. That’s not a good “wow”. Just look at them. Look at the computer-generation. It’s…it’s bad!! I think it’s even worse than the Green Lantern’s CGI superhero suit. There’s also a strange disconnect from Neil Patrick Harris’s torso and a Smurf in one of the early scenes.
  3. The random sexual double-entendre. I can’t even make myself type it out, but it’s in there. An English teacher once asked “You know when you’re watching TV and you get the dirty joke?” Yes, I do, and oh, how I sometimes wish I don’t.
  4. George Lopez. This man is in every horrible kids’ movie.
  5. The use of “smurf” as a euphemism for…everything. The writers (and this film’s Smurfs) use the word as a substitute for most swear words and bodily functions. Who’s up for beating that dead horse a billion times?` The way the Smurfs in this trailer use it, it’s almost like they know that they’re in a Smurfs movie.
  6. 3D. Enough said.

That just about does it! Oh, and that Ron Popeil “set it and forget it” guy? I’ve some advice for this trailer.

Watch it (if you dare), then forget it. Please, please forget it.

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    Written by prowlermoviepoll

    March 11, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    Posted in Uncategorized

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